Shit for brains but in a hellofa suit
So here we are in a global recession. Everyone on both sides of the political spectrum are scrambling to point fingers and lay blame. So much of it is just foaming at the mouth hysterical rants but I have a primo example of why I am currently scared to death by the inner fuckwittedness of portfolio managers.
Elevators confuse them.
Yes, that’s right - elevators. I spend almost every trip to work either in a cramped elevator or sometimes flying solo with some high powered suit yet somehow there is this weird confusion with the entire process of going up and down. How difficult is the concept? Pressing a button – a button that conveniently lights up to the floor you designate - seems to be too befuddling and beyond them. Thank god it is just up and down. I can't imagine if elevators could go sideways - it would be suit-chaos! mayham! distaster!
Instead, I look in wonder at these self-styled masters of the universe - why yes Mr/Madame Suit, should you wish to visit the 34th floor - you have to press the 34 button! Every fucking day they stand there and then jump when they realise the elevator didn’t stop. How dare the elevator not know just who the fuck they are! And I watch whole packs of them try and scramble out at the same time when the doors are about to close. It's like Keystone Cops in Armani.
That really scares the shit out of me. Even today, ten suits and yet not one of them thought “we all work on the same floor but look! - somehow the right floor number isn’t lit up, maybe I should press the button.”
But no. Doesn't seem to occur to them.
The pushing and shoving is awesome to witness. And then the laying of blame as they realise they have to go all the way up or all the way down to get to their floor. For you see, we have express elevators...and if you miss the floor, you are in for a ride. Unless you jump out and wait for another elevator. Again, most towers in the core are built the exactly the same way. It is not a new development. The scary part is that these people are responsible for the growth of pension funds for fuck sake.
And elevators defeat them!
For all the bitching you hear when they miss their floor you would think Castro was behind it.
So kids, if you want some friendly advice, get used to Pedigree Chum Soufflé!
Or blame elevators.
Elevators confuse them.
Yes, that’s right - elevators. I spend almost every trip to work either in a cramped elevator or sometimes flying solo with some high powered suit yet somehow there is this weird confusion with the entire process of going up and down. How difficult is the concept? Pressing a button – a button that conveniently lights up to the floor you designate - seems to be too befuddling and beyond them. Thank god it is just up and down. I can't imagine if elevators could go sideways - it would be suit-chaos! mayham! distaster!
Instead, I look in wonder at these self-styled masters of the universe - why yes Mr/Madame Suit, should you wish to visit the 34th floor - you have to press the 34 button! Every fucking day they stand there and then jump when they realise the elevator didn’t stop. How dare the elevator not know just who the fuck they are! And I watch whole packs of them try and scramble out at the same time when the doors are about to close. It's like Keystone Cops in Armani.
That really scares the shit out of me. Even today, ten suits and yet not one of them thought “we all work on the same floor but look! - somehow the right floor number isn’t lit up, maybe I should press the button.”
But no. Doesn't seem to occur to them.
The pushing and shoving is awesome to witness. And then the laying of blame as they realise they have to go all the way up or all the way down to get to their floor. For you see, we have express elevators...and if you miss the floor, you are in for a ride. Unless you jump out and wait for another elevator. Again, most towers in the core are built the exactly the same way. It is not a new development. The scary part is that these people are responsible for the growth of pension funds for fuck sake.
And elevators defeat them!
For all the bitching you hear when they miss their floor you would think Castro was behind it.
So kids, if you want some friendly advice, get used to Pedigree Chum Soufflé!
Or blame elevators.
posted by Tits Malone at 8:26 a.m.
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